More often than not, infidelity starts off as an innocent friendship; whether your relationship has been rocky or is in good standing. The scary reality is that people with good morals and who are happy in their relationship can also start to develop feelings for someone else. It can begin as a friendship, a work relationship, or chatting via Facebook. In order to prevent an affair, solid boundaries need to be in place with anyone who is not your partner. Anyone can say, “I would never cheat,” but who knows what could happen in the future? A more honest statement is, “I will continue to maintain boundaries to prevent a deep connection to occur with someone other than my partner.” When a relationship develops with someone outside the marriage, not only is trust broken, the safety and security in the relationship are also gone. We can rebuild our trust, but feeling safe again takes time. In emotionally focused couples therapy (EFT), infidelity can be considered an “attachment injury,” which is a trauma or “violation of trust that brings the nature of the whole relationship into question and must be dealt with if the relationship is to survive,” (Johnson, 2005, p. 19). This is where a couple needs a safe place, as in the therapy room, to heal wounds and rebuild the relationship.
When you find out that your partner has had an affair, it’s like you’ve just been sucker punchedmore